A Fun Night at LAX

Going through LAX back to Seattle has got to be one of the biggest pain in the asses ever. First of all, we had to get off the plane and go pick up our luggage from the carousel. This is where I found out that the luggage handlers broke one of my tequila bottles. Even worse, it was the good bottle that I was looking forward to taking home. I opened the bag and everything was just soaked with booze and broken glass.
I noticed, as we walked to the next location with our bags, I wasn’t the only one with broken booze, a bag in front of me that someone was carrying and leaking everywhere. We then moved to the customs line and began the very long wait to make it through customs. It was interesting watching the faces of the customs workers, you could tell they woke up for work everyday just thinking how much they loved there jobs, not a smile from a single one. Anyway, we went through customs and handed our luggage back to the airline people to put back on the plane. We then had to leave the airport walking to the Alaska air check in.
We didn’t have to actually go through the ticket check in but we did have to go back through security. This is where it got fun. There were two girls standing and half assed checking ID’s and tickets. The girls seemed primarily focused on the conversation they were heavily involved instead of actually checking tickets. I easily could have handed them someone else’s passport and they wouldn’t have noticed.
We then went to the x-ray machines. There was one very fat girl sitting and watching the scan of people’s bags and a guy on the other side of the metal detector. I went to put my belt, wallet, keys, etc into one of those plastic buckets but there were none.
I called over to the fat chick and said, “You are out of plastic trays.”
It was more of an FYI statement and I was expecting her to get up and get some or have someone get some.
Instead she responded with, “we are out of trays” and performed no action.
I piled most of my small items on a book I was carrying or in my shoes and put them through. On the other side I was able to retrieve most of my items except for my keys and wallet that fell off the book and on to the conveyer belt, they were stuck where two conveyer belts met. After the broken booze, the customs line, and it being late, I was starting to get irritated especially with the fat ladies rudeness.
“Hey, I need my stuff that’s stuck there since you wouldn’t get any containers.” I snapped sharply.
By this time another lady, also fat, ugly, and rude came up. She handed me my things and rudely stated, “You should have waited for someone to get more containers.”
I should have kept my mouth shut but then again, so should she. “Maybe if she would have told me to wait or I would have known that someone was going to get some containers I would have.”
We continued to bicker and I tried to walk away. I don’t know if she was in charge or what but it was obvious she was the type of person who when given a little bit of authority she feels the need to impress it upon everyone else.
Eventually I was able to start walking away at which point she yelled out, “have a nice day sir.” In a very rude fuck off tone of voice.
I responded in kind, “If you work real hard maybe next year they will give you a raise to $11.00 and hour.”
She didn’t quite get the insult at first because I had managed to walk pretty far and was actually past the two security guards before she yelled at them to stop me. Initially they weren’t even sure who to stop and tried getting my friend Bob. Even more ridiculous was the reason she told them for stopping me, because I had an “attitude problem”. First, that’s not the first time I’ve been told I have an attitude problem but more importantly was the fact that these incompetent snatches put in charge of protecting our airline security actually waste valuable time stopping people for having an “attitude problem.” Bob and I had to stand there continually try to explane to the security guards as to the reason for my attitude problem and what her and her fat friend did to cause it. The whole time this woman interrupted and argued. I don’t think during this time the security guards said more than two words. What they should have said was, “stop wasting this guys time and he’s obviously not a threat to the safety of the plane. But instead they just stood there. Eventually we did make it through and I have to give props to Bob for getting my back and attempting to explain to these retards how they being ridiculous.
On another note, I did some research and the baggage security check people actually make more then I thought. According to the house Committee on Transportation they start out at $15.00 an hour. According to the USA Today, they also undergo criminal-background and medical checks. They have to be able to lift 70 pounds, be proficient in English and be U.S. citizens. New hires complete 40 to 60 hours of training, and everyone is subject to up to three hours of additional training weekly. So really what it comes down to is just about anyone can become a screener.

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