Straight People In Need of Queerness

I was cleaning up my e-mail sent box last night, and I found this e-mail that I had sent to a radio station years ago.

On my way into work once, the station had a guy from some Jewish organization that will, “help people who are gay but no longer want to be gay”. The organization will teach them to be straight. After listening to the show I decided to send them an e-mail.

Hi, I was listening to the show this morning; you had the guy on talking about his group that will help people not be gay. I think it’s interesting in today’s society that people would still want not to be gay. I work with a rather large phone company at this time, and have found homosexuality to be beneficial to the gay community. When it comes time for promotion, many of the upper managers are gay and obviously promote within. Plus society and lawyers have sufficiently scared the remaining straight managers, to the point that they will promote the gay employee over the straight one due to fear of retribution.
With this in mind I would like to promote my idea for an organization SPINOQ (pronounced "spy-nock") Straight People In Need of Queerness. For those who want to get with the times and embrace homosexuality, who are tired of promotions based on knowledge and skill, but would like to get a job solely based on the hiring manager’s fear of a multi-million dollar suite.

NOTE: We will also accept anyone interested in becoming Hispanic, African American, or native American. Sorry we are unable to support anyone in need of becoming Asian as it’s easier to tan and dye hair, than perform eye surgery.

For some reason I never did hear a response to my e-mail????