What?

For those of you in the business, have you ever noticed, how a lot of the terminology that gets worked into office project management, tries to make it sound more exciting. For example, if you are assigned a last minute item that needs to be done right away, it’s called a “fire drill”. Whooo, how dramatic. When you are contacting someone about something you “ping” them. Similar to how a submarine “pings” in searching out the enemy. “Bandwidth” actually isn’t that exciting but it still gets used a lot and I don’t like it. “Hey, do you have the ‘Bandwidth’ for that task?” is something wrong with the word time? How boring is your job when you have to use totally unrelated words to spice it up.


Here are some more I hate, just because I’m the Cranky Monkey and I hate things….


"backing into a project" – like a truck?
"throw the moose on the table" - after a good hunting excursion I like to throw my meat on the table to
“low hanging fruit" – WTF?
“thrown under the bus” – when your boss fucks up and you get blamed for it. Actually, this term isn’t just used in the office.
“F/U” – we know what it means in the real world, in the fake world it actually means “follow up” but apparently that’s too hard to type
“blame storming” – we all know who’s to blame, you are!
"don't drink the Kool Aid" – I just heard this one today, no freaken clue as to the actual meaning
“Sync” – N’ Sync broke up people
“After action review” – only if it were as exciting as it sounds
“Tag Team” – Sweet, like wrestling
"Randomization" - I find it randomazing to be randomized

Leave some feedback if you have a few that I’ve missed.

Comments

Anonymous said…
The Kool Aid comment is related to the Jonestown massacre where several hundred people were tricked, convinced, or forced to drink Kool Aid laced with cyanide.

The office-speak that I hate the most includes almost anything included in a resume and really stupid shit like "think outside the box." Outside what box?
CM said…
Yes, especially considering how most people who work in an office are incapable of thinking outside the box. And thanks for the info, next time it’s offered, I’m saying NO to Cool Aid.