Superhero Sissies

After watching the last Batman movie and thinking to myself, "what a pussy" I began to realize that it wasn't just him, and that many of our supposed superheroes are big babies. For example:

Batman: "my parents where killed, I'm traumatized, I can't have a meaningful relationship with a woman, booo hoooo." Cry me a river Batman, you are a billionaire with access to anything you want and all kinds of cool toys. Yet you spend all your time crying about it. Oh, and man up. I realize that in movie world the good guy doesn't kill the bad guy when he gets a chance, but in reality, we totally would.

Superman: He's always crying about being in love with Lois (movie) or Lana ( Smallville show) but they can't be together because he's worried that someone will hurt her. Hello! Have you noticed Superman that girls not being involved with you, end up in just as much danger. Oh and your annoying it sucks to be me, overly moral self, get over it. You are Superman, and that blond chick on the show who likes you… shag that bitch! She's hot and totally less annoying than Lana.

Spiderman: Same story as the rest, "Oh it sucks to be me, I'm a kick ass superhero who has to fight crime." You know what Spidey, there was crime before you, and will be after you. get over yourself.

The Hulk: Come on, I'm sure there are a few women out there that would like to "make you angry", and enjoy some angry green sex.

I could go on but I won't. instead I'll talk about a superhero that makes us proud; Tony Stark ( Ironman). First of all this guy has a heart condition, but does he cry about it, no. He enjoys his super suit, he enjoys shagging hot chicks, and he enjoys his money. He also enjoys being a superhero. For those of us who watched the most recent movie, in the last scene he brags about being Ironman. Why? Because it kicks ass to be a superhero.

Comments

Rooster said…
I think you hit the nail on the head here. There's a reason why Iron Man got the best reviews of any superhero movie (combined personal reviews and critics). It's because he's not a pussy.

Which reminds me, the new Batman movie sucked. It probably would have been ok, but they hyped it up so much that I was expecting something good.
CM said…
I agree, I think the only reason everyone thinks it's so great is because Heath Ledger died after it. Overall the movie wasn't bad, but it wasn't that great either.
ec said…
This was a deep Cranky Thought. I had so much to say after reading it, it wouldn't fit as a comment so I wrote up my own follow up ost: http://jamiefenderson.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!C1EC66E858AE362C!1820.entry