My Diet Cola Wars

At lunch last week, I accidently grabbed a diet soda instead of a regular one. It was instantaneous when I took that first drink and became aware of what I had done. It tasted like what I would imagine ass to taste like. Now, I've never orally reamed anyone's asshole before, so I can't say for sure that it tastes the same, but I imagine the aftertaste of a diet soda to roughly reflect the aftertaste of a person's lunch.

This got me thinking about the people who actually drink that crap. I've regularly noticed friends or people in general who drink diet soda, usually doing it while while out scarfing down a burger and fries. As if the positive effect from diet soda is going to balance out the negative effect of a burger and fries.

Some people might say that they drink it because they prefer the taste of diet over regular soda. I would also image these people enjoy the taste of a warm bung hole. But, I've dated women who drink diet soda and never have I had one of them offer to fellatio my ass. So, I decided to try all the diet sodas and see if it was possible to find one that I could stand to drink, and see if it would be a shock to my palate once I did switch back to my regular can of cold high fructose corn syrupy goodness.

One of the nice things about my place of employment, is a full selection of Coke and Pepsi products at no charge.

Diet Sprite: This is the one I picked by accident. It's really the aftertaste that I noticed. Assuming I could just drink it, and skip the aftertaste part, it probably wouldn't be that bad. I was able to finish half the can.
Diet Dr. Pepper: At the first sip I started thinking that this wasn't that bad, but just like the rest, once it sat in my mouth for a second, I tasted that nasty diet soda aftertaste. Once I drank a little more, I began to get used to the taste, and would have to say out of the ones I tried, this was drinkable.
Diet Pepsi: This one didn't even pretend that it might taste good. Many of the others the first sip wouldn't taste to bad until the aspartame flavoring kicked in. with Diet Pepsi, it was nasty right from the start.
Diet Coke: I skipped the Diet Coke after the nastyness of Diet Pepsi. I figure that there couldn't be that much of a taste difference between the two, so I'm just going to assume Diet Coke sucks.
Diet Mountain Dew: I actually thought this was going to be the worst of the bunch, as I love the sweet sugary goodness of the regular Mountain Dew, but this wasn't half bad. Of course it could be that I was towards the end of my experiment and had gotten used to the taste of diet soda.

Now that the week is over, I've decided to end my experiment. There wasn't enough of a difference to justifying the continuation of punishment I was subjecting my body to. Since the best of the bunch was Diet Mountain Dew, I decided to make a regular Mountain Dew my first real soda... it was much better.

So what has my little experiment taught me? I've learned that people who drink diet soda must enjoy the taste of ass, because as far as I can tell that's what aspartame tastes like.

Comments