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Friday, July 31, 2009

"I'm Not Gay"

I was down at the 7-Eleven today, taking a break from the office with a co-worker. The co-worker was picking up some smokes. While I waited, I decided to hang out by the magazine rack. As I'm standing there, a tall black guy comes walking up. He's wearing his pimped out jacket, even though it's over 80 degrees outside, he has the long shorts on that hang down to the point that they look like capri pants. He has his baseball cap turned to the side, and is basically a walking stereotype.

The conversation went something like this:

He grabs a Vibe Magazine, flips it open real quick to some girls in bikini pics, and says to me, "I'm so glad I'm not gay."
Me - "Um, yeah."
Him - Flipping through the magazine, "Not that I care if people are, just I'm glad I'm not gay. When I look at this, I'm glad I'm not gay"
Me - "Yeah, me to. I was just looking at this Maxim." Pointing to the Maxim Magazine with the scantly clad model on the front, to prove that I also am not gay.
Him - "When I look at pictures like these, I just am so glad I'm not gay."
Me - Nodding my head in agreement at the crazy mother fucker.
Him - "I am so glad I'm not gay"
Me - Continuing to nod in agreement.
Him - "When I was 8 (yes, he said 8) and watching porn, I was totally not looking at the dicks"
Me - looking over at the counter to see what was taking my buddy so long, "Umm hmm."
Him - I don't even know whey they show dicks."
Me - Walking to the other side of the rack, closer to the door and picking up a motorcycle magazine to flip through, "Yep, that's a pretty good sign you aren't gay."
Him - "I only want to look at the girls."
Me - "Me to."
Him - Still looking at the pictures, "Man, I'm so straight."
Me - Noticing my buddy walking towards the door. "Ready?" I walked out to join him for a smoke, even though I don't actually smoke.

I'd say this is a pretty accurate typing of the conversation, other than I might have left out a few "I'm not gay" statements. I'm going to make an assumption that this guy has some issues to work out.

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