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Thursday, October 08, 2009

Drive-Tard Tips

Some helpful tips for the typical drive-tard out on the roads.

The turn signal is to the left of the steering column. Click it up when turning right, click it down when turning left. The turn signal activates lights on each corner of the car that flash and notify other drivers your intent to turn or change lanes. Once the turn/lane change is complete, be sure that the flashing light in your dashboard has turned off. If it hasn't use the same switch to de-activate it.

We know that you are paranoid about hitting another car, but continually tapping the break is irritating. It also causes the person behind you to do the same, and in turn, it slows down the overall flow of traffic. If you are worried about hitting the car in front of you, don't ride the ass of the car in front of you. By providing a decent amount of space, you will be able to stop in time for an emergency.

The gas pedal is the one directly to the right of the break. It makes the car go faster. You will notice as you press the gas pedal that gauge directly above the steering wheel and below the dash, goes up in numbers.

Now this is where it starts to get tricky:

That gauge in the dash with the numbers is called the speedometer. It tells you how fast you are going. In the U.S. that is measured in miles per hour (MPH) so when the gauge hits 40mph you are driving at 40 miles per hour.

As you drive you will notice some signs on the right of the road. These also have numbers on them listed in MPH. what you have to do is read that sign quickly, and look at the speedometer in your car and attempt to match those two numbers. That's called traveling the speed limit.

Now, if you are really daring you can actually go about 5mph or so above that number and not get pulled over, depending on where you are. So, if you see a sign that says 60 when driving down the interstate, you make that dial in your car say 65, it's pretty unlikely that a cop will pull you over, and you will make the people behind you happy at not having to go to slow.

One final bit of advice for driving on the interstate. The reason it has more than one lane in each direction is to speed up the flow of traffic. One way this is done, is by the slower moving people (ones going 60 in a 60 zone) stay to the right side lane. The other people, the ones a little more daring and willing to exceed the limit by 5 or 10 miles per hour, should use the left lane to pass those slower moving vehicles. AND, if you notice a vehicle coming up behind you and you are in that left lane, you should move to the right lane and let them pass.

If for any reason you feel the need to go below the speed limit, and are not hauling heavy products, or in a vehicle that can't do the speed limit, you should take your car to the dealer, sell it, turn in your license and start riding the bus.

1 comment:

eccentri city said...

Firkin' hillarious! The fact we even needs these instuctions pisses me off.