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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Romney iPhone app misspells America

It doesn't surprise me that they misspelled the name of our country in the Mitt Romney iPhone app. After all, most of the tea-baggers can't spell either as can be seen by the teabonics examples all over the internet.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

New York Republicans Attempting to Ban Free Speech on the Internet

Maybe when conservatives use the term, "take American back" they are talking about taking it back to where we had no amendments to the U.S. Constitution. In general it seems the only one they care about is the second amendment, while the rest of them they seem to be continually attempting to pass laws against them.

Two Republicans in New York (Republicans Dean Murray and Thomas O’Mara) are trying to pass two separate laws ( S.6779 and A.8688) that will ban people from anonymous online speech. As in, preventing people from posting a anonymous comments, blog posts, articles, etc. in direct violation of the first amendment, the freedom of speech. The U.S. Supreme court has ruled multiple times that anonymous speech is allowed as per the first amendment. For example in 1995 McIntyre v. Ohio Elections Commission, the court wrote: " "Protections for anonymous speech are vital to democratic discourse. Allowing dissenters to shield their identities frees them to express critical minority views … Anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority … It thus exemplifies the purpose behind the Bill of Rights and of the First Amendment in particular: to protect unpopular individuals from retaliation … at the hand of an intolerant society."

Do these New York Republicans think that since the court is now mostly conservative, that they will now rule in their favor? Or are they even aware of the courts rulings on this issue in the past? Have they even read the U.S. Constitution?

I don't have answers to these question, as I am always dumbfounded by people who vote for some of these people in thinking they are for American, when they are attempting to pass laws that go against our founding principles.

Read more about the bill here...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Cost of War

The tea-baggers and conservative nutcases are always complaining about the national debt as if it's Obama's fault. But think about this tea-tards, Obama didn't start the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. A Republican president did. And when it comes to the national deficit, where do you think the majority of governments budget goes? It goes to the military war budget.
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So when you are out protesting with your misspelled signs, try to remember who causes the huge debt. The guy you tea-bagging conservatives voted for. Not the guy who is trying to end the wars and the associated cost of those wars.

Military Budget
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Monday, May 21, 2012

Aging Men and Babies

There are a lot of things to dislike and very few things to like about getting older. Most people will make statements like, “30 is the new 40” or “40 is the new 50” or “I’ve never felt better”.  All statements made to make themselves feel better about getting older, yet knowing there is nothing we can do about it, and knowing that as each birthday goes by, we are that much closer to death.

For men, aging involves hair migrating from places where we want it to places where we don’t.  It involves a belly that you don’t want and can’t seem to get rid of and the idea of an afternoon nap while a WWII documentary plays in the television sounds more appealing than hanging out with friends having a beer, or taking the motorcycle for a ride.
But worst of all is the pairing off and marriages of all your friends. Especially when you are not one of the paired off. As we get older, we meet significant others, we get married, and sometimes we get divorced. But it usually doesn’t happen until after our wives have popped out a few babies from their vaginas like Ping-Pong balls out of a Thai stripper.

In a way, babies are one of the ways we fight the effects of aging. Babies after all “are our future”.

A longtime friend of mine just had a baby. She’s cute, she’s sweet, she’s smart, and she is all he talks about. Of course, all new fathers think they have the cutest, sweetest, and smartest baby. But I don’t play in a weekly poker game with all new fathers, just this one.

My buddy, who hosts the game, is the one with the dart board in his game room and the liquor cabinet with the largest bottle of Gentleman Jack he is able to purchase. His game room still contains the dart board, the pool table, and the Xbox plugged into the 50 inch LCD TV. It just also happens to have a few newly added games, like the baby stroller and the toys that make noise each time anyone accidently touches them. And now, when flipping through Pandora Radio on poker night, he has The Muppets radio station saved into his Pandora app.

Thursday night is the night his wife takes the baby to bed early, and he gets to have a “boy’s night.” Boy’s night consists of about 5 to 7 regular guys who show up around 7 with $10 dollars in their pockets, maybe some beer or whiskey and an appetite for food that usually involves a lot of meat. Boy’s night is the night the baby daddies get a night off, and the newly married guys get a break from the “honey-do” list.

It’s spring in the Pacific Northwest, still cold, still wet, but not as cold or as wet as it’s been all winter long. The weather is warm enough to where I don’t have to head straight inside the house. A home my friend keeps so warm it turns us into lethargic slugs after a good meal, to where a nap on the sofa could easily be a replacement for the game.

“Hey fellas,” I say as I walk around the corner.

They all respond in kind, as we greet each other.

Conversations had, in the past, occasionally involved how poorly we thought the Mariners would do that season, or the hope that they might not “be as bad as last year.” But as of lately, the conversations are more about children, wives, kitchen remodels, or how someone needs to start going to the gym due to an increasing waistline.

A recently married member of the group, picks up where he was before I walked up, “So what should I do with the old doors. Can I just burn them? Or should I take them to the dump?” talking about the house he just bought and the remodel.

“Just bring them over here,” the host responds, “We can throw them on the burn pile.” He says referring to the massive burn pile on the edge of his 2 acres. The burn pile that used to be for parties where an occasional guest would get so drunk they might fall into the fire. And now was building up so high that if actually lite would probably result in helicopter with a water bucket underneath showing up to put out.

That reminds me, ”he laughs to himself, “After bath time, we will occasionally let the baby run around the living room before we put her diaper on.”

“Umm, hum.” I respond while listening to the story.

“After we gave her a bath the other day, we let her run out of the bathroom into the living room to play for a while. I went into my office to get some work done. The door was open and I hear the wife yell out.’ So, I go out to see what she is talking about, and the baby is over by the sofa squeezing poop through her fingers like a stress ball with the hugest smile on her face. And there is poop that she rubbed all over the sofa.”

I smile and nod as if I’m interested in the story.

"So now we put one of her cloth diapers on her right after bath time. That way, at least, her poop can hang like a hammock from now on.” He continues, “You know, I was the last person to think cloth diapers are worth it. When the wife wanted to use them, I said that’s fine but I’m using disposables. But those cloth ones are great. The poop doesn’t squish into them like you think it would, it just kind of sits on top, so all I have to do is dump the poop, and toss the diapers into a bag. I have the steam washer, so I can dump the bag into the wash, and they come out smelling nice and fresh.”

I have to interject at this point. “What on earth makes you think I would find this conversation even remotely interesting? I spend absolutely no time around babies, and at the moment I don’t even have a girlfriend, so there is no danger of me spending time around babies.”

He laughs and takes a drag off his cigarette, “So what do you want to talk about then?”

“I don’t care man cars, motorcycles, something interesting.”

Silence lingers in the air as we try to think of something to say. Instead he takes a last drag of his cigarette, drops it into the sand filled ash-can on the porch, and we both go inside to the other guys who are pulling up the game on the MLB app on the TV, hoping for that brief release from wives, homeowner responsibilities, and of course babies.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Impatience On The Double-Decker

Sometimes appropriate things happen to people that makes me laugh when I watch it, even though what happens to that person might not be a good thing.

For example: I was on the top floor of the double-decker bus this morning about a block away from my stop. Someone had already hit the stop button and we were just waiting for the bus to get to the stop. As what usually happens, people tend to start working their way towards the stairs, down the stairs, and to the exit doors. I'm assuming this is because they are worried if they don’t, they wont get off the bus in time, that the driver might forget they are coming down the stairs and take off. Or maybe they are just impatient.

As usual, I was sitting in my seat watching the impatient people work towards the stairs on the moving bus. The first guy made it down the stairs fine. A second lady was working her way down the stairs while the bus was stopped at a light. The light changed, the bus driver hit the gas, and the lady fell down the stairs. I didn't laugh out loud, but the internal laugh made me feel pretty damn good about not being an impatient douche.

FYI- If you are concerned, the lady wasn't hurt. The stairs are narrow with handrails, she was able to catch herself as she fell. But really, she deserved to fall. Because the rest of us, waited for the bus to stop at the actual stop, and we all managed to get off the bus just fine.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Mitt (The Rat) Romney Prep School Bully

John Lauber, a soft-spoken new student one year behind Romney, was perpetually teased for his nonconformity and presumed homosexuality. Now he was walking around the all-boys school with bleached-blond hair that draped over one eye, and Romney wasn’t having it.
Read the full, and true, story of Romney the man some people want to be president picking on the new kid at school.... Washington Post

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

The War on Women: Repealing the 19th Amendment

Here is a way to help the GOP with the low approval ratings of women voters. Repeal women's right to vote. That way the Republican party doesn't have to worry about the pro-birth control, pro-choice, pro-planned parenthood, pro-mammogram women not voting for them.

Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, a tea party activist that’s appeared several times on Fox News, and founder of an organization where Sean Hannity serves as an advisory board member, said in a sermon recently published to YouTube that America’s greatest mistake was allowing women the right to vote.... “I think that one of the greatest mistakes America made was to allow women the opportunity to vote,” Peterson says. “We should’ve never turned this over to women. And these women are voting in the wrong people. They’re voting in people who are evil who agrees with them who’re gonna take us down this pathway of destruction.”

Read the full story here…

Sunday, May 06, 2012

How to Identify Crazy Women

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Ever go on a date with a girl and think she is fantastic, then as the relationship goes on, she turns out to be batshit Crazy? Instead of figuring it out later in the relationship, here are some questions and discussion points you can use on that first or second date to help filter out the crazies.


What is her relationship with her parents. Are they too close so that they have control over her life. Or does she hate them and constantly complain about them. Some girls might have issues with their parents and not be crazy, but all girls that are crazy, have issues with their parents.

Any medications:

An obvious sign of crazy is the medications she is taking. Next time you are at her place, take a quick look in the medicine cabinet when you take a piss. Any medications related to mood regulation are a sign to pretend you have to get up early in the morning and leave.

Global Warming:

Yes, political and environmental science are not a sign of craziness. But think of the right-wing, tea-bagging, Republicans out there? Would you consider them crazy or totally sane? If she truly doesn't believe in global warming, you have your answer.

Talks About Her Ex:

If she is talking about her ex on a first or second date excessively, make sure to accept her offer to split the bill and get out. She doesn't understand appropriate dating conversation and is obviously still hung up on him.  

Her Illness List:

Yes, people have physical and mental ailments. People suffer from depression and anxiety. And at some point in a relationship, it is worthwhile to have these conversations, but not on the first date. If she informs someone she just met that she is taking depression medication,  she's searching for sympathy and wants you to be the guy who makes her not depressed. And if she is complaining about her bad back on a first date, imagine listening to her on a road trip or airline flight.

Abuse, Assault, Etc.

From personal experience, 98% of all women have been raped, abused, or molested. Most of the time they wait till the second date to tell me how their ex-boyfriend beat them. But sometimes, they will tell me about the time they were date-raped on the first date. Yes, terrible thing to have happen, but would a sane person tell a complete stranger about the uncle who molested them as a child on a first date.


Pets should be capped at two. Always! If she has more than two, ditch her.

Text Much:

If she is more comfortable having a conversation with you in text messaging over face-to-face, and  in e-mail or regular conversation uses acronyms excessively, ditch her. She has no personality.