Veep Drinking Game

Eff Mukilteo

There’s this lovely little city called Mukilteo, maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s down by the waterfront just west of Everett and Lynnwood?  Cutest little place, it really is.  You can go there and visit the historic and quaint lighthouse or the well-manicured lighthouse park.  You can eat at any number of fine-dining establishments or go throw some peanuts on the floor of the local brewery; there’s just no end to the fun one can have down there in Mukilteo.

It’s also a commuter-laden city.  Mukilteo just so happens to be one of the only portals to Whidbey Island, an island full of people who need to work and an island depleted of any worthy jobs.  So, the daily rush on and off the island in search of the money to maintain is endless and chaotic.  There are buses from three different companies, a commuter train, tons of cars and trucks, and the random bicyclist or walker.  If you are trying to find a commuter parking space, good luck, there is a list that will necessitate someone’s death in order for you to get a slot.

Since I am currently making the commute from Whidbey to Lynnwood every day, I am one of those poor fools who gets to contend with all this madness streaming off of the ferry boat every morning and back on again in the evening.

I, however, am a cheeky little squirrel who has found a hidden nut. 

There is a street not far from the boat that has ample parking, day and night, for all of us to use up.  Why isn’t anyone parked there already, given all these commuters and lack of parking spots? I often wondered, but have been using the spots on and off for years and everything has been grand.  Until now.  Until I became a daily commuter. Until I found out just why no one messes with these spots.

There must be a secret alliance of Mukilteo citizens and Mukilteo police officers because, all of a sudden, just within the past month, I have received four parking tickets.  Two of them in the last two days.

The tickets are given to me even though I have video footage and pictures of my car, in its spot, with not a single no parking sign of any kind any where even remotely close to my car.


The only parking signs that exist are on the opposite side of the road and, as any idiot can tell you, those signs are specifically for that side of the road.  I know, I’ve seen people take it to court before and win. I’ve found the RCW, number 46.61.050, which specifically states:

No provision of this chapter for which official traffic control devices are required shall be enforced against an alleged violator if at the time and place of the alleged violation an official device is not in proper position and sufficiently legible or visible to be seen by an ordinarily observant person.
Bold and italics are mine.  They are mine because I want to scream them at anyone who will listen.

So, I’ve done what any stubborn person would do: I’ve sent every single ticket back to the court requesting a court date so I can contest the tickets.  This will waste countless dollars of tax-payer money and I don’t feel bad because I know what this conspiracy is all about and I’m unwilling to be bullied.

The people of Mukilteo have long hated all commuters because we take up every available parking spot that we can.  Boo-freakin-hoo! What a bunch of whiny brats.  My god, like you couldn’t have guessed, moving in to a commuter portal of a city, that parking would be sparse?  Like you couldn’t have guessed, starting a business in the area, that you’d have to buy your very own parking lot? Grow some brains and then put up some parking signs but do not, unless you want my forthcoming harassment lawsuit up your ass, try to kick me out of lawful parking by giving me trumped up tickets and expecting that I’ll be too overwhelmed by their repetitiveness to fight back.

I’ll see all of the morons in court and they’ll drop the whole thing and then I’ll file my lawsuit, representing myself, just to show them how much time I can waste if that’s what they really want to do.

Did I mention the tickets are only for $10 each?  That’s the best part.  I’d rather not pay a falsely given ticket.  I’d rather make them wish they’d never either A) misunderstood the law so completely as to make us all wonder who exactly they’re willing to put on a police force these days or B) knowingly given me a ticket that was bogus just so I’d stop parking in front of someone’s home or business, even if it was only $10.


Rooster said…
At first I thought this was going to be a pay-per-post advertisement that the Monkey posts from time. You know, one for a new parking lot feature. But no, it's legit.