50 Shades of Crap

Everyone around the office, online, and on the bus has been talking about 50 Shades of Grey as if it is some kind of fantastic racy novel. Ohhhh so erotic. So, I decided to break down and read it, and luckily I didn’t actually pay for it as I would have been pissed if I had.

To be honest, which is why I have an anonymous blog, it has got to be one of the worst pieces of writing I have ever attempted to read. And I say attempt because after forcing myself halfway through it I gave up and deleted it from my kindle. Also thankful that I didn’t pay for the download. The characters are one dimensional and stereotyped. The dialog is crap, and the porn aspect of it is terrible. “Oh, baby, cum for me baby.” I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on a well-crafted novel, or porn, but I have read enough to know what good is, and 50 Shades of Grey is none of it.

The popularity of this book can lead me to only one conclusion: people are dumb and have to taste! And they have no sense of sexual adventure, as this crap turns them on. And I’m not saying crap in the sense that a red room with sex swings and ropes offends me. I’m saying crap because what happens in the novel sucks big harry grey balls. And while on a trip to Germany, I realized it’s not just Americans with bad taste in books, it’s everyone. I was walking past a bookstore and they had a huge display of the German version of the novel. When I think sexually adventurous I don’t think of Germany. Sorry Germans, but the beds in your country are way too hard for a romping sexual adventure. But I’ll be in Frankfurt for another day, so if a couple of hot German chicks want to prove me wrong, feel to respond.