Shove This Volt Up Your Ass

I'm on my second contract at Microsoft. Since Microsoft was sued for having contracted employees on for extended periods of time, they have a rule that when a contract is up, you have to take 100 days off in between contracts . My first contract was with a company called Volt. Volt is a large contractor for Microsoft, and most contracted employees tend to have their first contract through them, but not the second. I also fall into that category. I'm with a different company this time around. When I was eligible to return this last September, I contacted Volt to let them know I was looking. They said great, and that they would get my resume out. I received a couple potential postings, but ended up going with a different company. I told Volt that I wasn't going to use them, and the reasons why.

So a couple of days ago, I got this e-mail from a Volt recruiter. Here is the thing, they have my resume from before, so they know my skill set, and they know that I'm not an IT person. I have little IT experience, and no desire to be an IT person. Here is the e-mail the recruiter sent, I'll add sarcastic commentary where appropriate.


A new job opening is now available for your consideration. Volt has a new contract position available. For 4 months you could be working with Boeing in Huntsville, AL -Really. I could work for 4 months is Alabama! Wow how fantastic would it be to work in the deep south for 4 months!- making $60/hr. Please review the job description and requirements listed below:

Job Description: JOB DUTIES: Position is to assist in transitioning from legacy environment. Support planning and implementation of the new environment which is JDA's (formerly Manuguistics) NetWORKS Procurement tool. - blah, blah, blah -

Acceptable candidate will be able to schedule and plan assigned work. Analyze customer¿s business processes and develop and document requirements based on these processes. Design, code, compile, and test software to address requirements.-starting to sounds like an IT job- Demonstrate knowledge of database structures. Prepare program specifications for assigned programming tasks. Conduct design review and structured walk-through presentations. Prepare program documentation in compliance with established departmental standards. Investigate, analyze, and resolve application problems. Apply software engineering standards, processes, and techniques in assigned tasks.

Initial plan thru Jun 08, but additional employment extentions -misspelling are possible into 2009.

Requirements: JOB SKILLS: 4 to 5 years of software development experience required. - they have my resume and know I don't work in development- Strong organizational skills required. Previous CMMI experience required. -what the fuck is CMMI- Require previous experience MRP tools and Oracle database. -I know Oracle and I know the word is nowhere on my resume - Prefer experience with JDA's (formerly Manuguistics) NetWORKS Procurement tool.

Must exhibit excellent communication skills, both written and verbal. Ability to work well with others and within a team mandatory. Must also be fluent in standard IT development - yep IT job- processes and software life cycle. Macroscope or P+ knowledge desired. High ethical standards required.

If you are interested in this position, please contact me at -sorry bitch, but if I'm correcting your spelling, I don't want to even talk to you-

Thank you,