- “Inspire Your Child” – CHECK – The Cranky Monkey would not be opposed to this, unless you are trying to inspire your child to do something stupid.
- “Gay Couple Seek Adoption” – CHECK – the Monkey would support this.
- “Official DNC Website” – CHECK – Better than the other party… oh wait! Look below!
- “Meet Republican Singles” – RED ALERT – I don’t think Monkey readers are looking for Republican singles. I could be wrong
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- WTF Massachusetts
- The One Thing The Internet Can’t Ignore
- I Wish I Were Stupid
- How to Properly Deal with Neighbors
- WWF's Top 10 Endangered Species to Watch in 2010
- Best Fails of 2009
- The Slow Bureaucratic Pace of “Freedom”
- 80% of Antibiotics Goes to Farm Animals
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Thinking about going into the oldest profession in the world in these hard economic times? If so, give it some thought and planning before ...
One of the joys of working for Microsoft as a vender or contractor is you are not a full time employee, which of course means you are treate...
Image Source I love how I always get stuck dealing with poor customer service as it gives me something to write about in this blog. My...
Some helpful tips for the typical drive-tard out on the roads. The turn signal is to the left of the steering column. Click it up when tur...
• Whenever someone takes a drink • Whenever we see a girls boobs • Whenever we see Hanks butt • Whenever one of Hanks books is shown ...
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Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
I’d call it animal abuse if it weren’t happening to a poodle.
Friday, January 22, 2010
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Is this a sign of change in fall? Maybe, if the Democrats don’t start showing some balls, there could be a change in Novembers elections.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
People who don’t vote, or involve themselves in politics, don’t seem to mind not knowing how the government is run or who is making those decisions. Yet those of us, who do follow, are always second guessing decisions that are made and unhappily bitching about the people running the show.
I have worked for a few large companies over my life, and very rarely does it seem that the smartest people are the successful ones. Usually it’s the ones who kiss ass, brown nose, and move ahead with a complete lack of knowledge of the products they work on. I recently had an upper manager say to me when working a project, “you wouldn’t believe I’ve actually been here 10 years,” while acknowledging her lack of comprehension on how to use the company created product we were working with. Just before Christmas my manager moved into a different position within the company. I’ve actually been on the team longer than my new manager. This new manage, who got the job because she was the only one to apply for it, knows that I know more about how to do the job than she does. I know that I can do the job better than she can. And most everyone I work with is probably aware of that as well. But of course, I’m only a contractor, and she’s a full time employee, so she’s in charge of the job we do, while I sit back twiddling my thumbs and being frustrated at the ignorance that surrounds me.
I have a co-worker, another contractor, who has been there nearly as long as I have. She’s kind of an idiot. She couldn’t organize her way out of paper bag, sounds like a retard when running a meeting, and yet she’s the one who gets all the work from the new manager. Why? Because she doesn’t question the new manager. She doesn’t ask why. She doesn’t suggest better and more efficient ways of doing things. She doesn’t do any of that because she’s not smart enough to think outside the box. The box companies say they want people to think outside of, but when people actually do that, they are frowned upon. To point out better ways of doing things, implies that the manager who actually thought of it in the first place is stupid. And in many cases, it’s true.
They say ignorance is bliss, and I agree with them. I would be much more happy and content with my job if I wasn’t smart enough to see all the ways it is being done wrong. I would be much happier if I could just walk in each day, do what I’m told, and blindly follow the so-called leadership of others. But instead, I raise my hand and ask why. And people who do not know the answer to why, don’t like being asked. Because those people were blissfully ignorant as employees, moved to blissfully ignorant management, now follow the haphazard direction of these above them. Middle and upper management who make decisions based on the information presented to them by the stupid.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Last fall a new neighbor moved into the place across from mine. For the most part she is a good neighbor. Good in the sense that I never have to see her or hear her. The only catch is, that she leaves for work about the same time each morning that I walk my dog.
The first time I walked past her driveway when she was backing her Ford Explorer out of her garage and driveway, she almost backed into me. I yelled, and she quickly stopped.
A few days or weeks later, the next time, I walked way around her so as to give her plenty of room, while giving her a dirty look that she most likely didn't see.
A time after that, I kicked the side of her car and yelled at her.
Then one day, after work, as I was walking my dog she was parked next to her mail box getting the mail. So, I decided to try being a nice neighbor and having a talk with her.
Me: Hi, could you do me a favor and when you are backing out in the mornings, try to watch…
Her: (cutting me off) It's your fault that I almost hit you. It's dark, and you wear dark clothing!
Me: Look, I'm trying to be nice here, but if you want to turn this into a fucking argument…
Her: (cutting me off again, and getting into her car) I can't talk to you when you swear at me!
Me: (slight confused, and now getting pissed) If you want to turn this into an argument we can! (I yell while standing on front of her car so she can't move) Next time you back into me, I'm going to make sure there is a dent into your car!
Well, apparently yelling at her worked. This morning I was walking my dog past her place, she stopped when she saw me, and even waved at me. Teaching a valuable lesson. When attempting to talk nicely to someone, you get nowhere, but if you yell at that person and threaten to kick a dent in the side of there car, they will pay attention. Let this be a lesson for you kids.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Interesting that we are going into the Chinese year of the tiger, when it's entirely possible that by the next year of the tiger, there won't be any tigers left. Currently only 3200 tigers on the planet.
The poster child for global warming and the negative impacts of humans on the planet.
Not as cute as the first two, but also heavily effected by arctic ice melting.
WWF reports that 12 of the 17 species of the world's penguins are experiencing rapid population declines.
The Leatherback has turtle has been on this planet for more than 100 million years. And in a fraction of that time humans have brought them to the point of extension.
Check out the WWF website for the full 10 and details about each.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
The Golden Gate Bridge opened in 1937 and took men using construction tools of the time, just over 4 years to build.
The twin towers at the World Trade Center took around 5 years to build both buildings.
Yet somehow over 8 years have gone by since the attacks on September 11th, and we have nothing to show for it except for a hole at ground zero.
The planned, and inappropriately named, freedom tower won’t be open in time for the 10 year anniversary of the terror attacks in 2011.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Drinking my tea, as I go against the Seattle coffee establishment in not actually liking the taste of coffee.
I read some e-mails, reply to a few, check out blog updates of friends and people I follow.
I eat my Pop Tart, turn on some music, and seriously try to focus on the concept of actually doing some work today, in the expectation that if I think about it long enough, I might actually start doing it.
Instead I open my blog and post todays update from the confines of a windowless, florescent lit, white-walled room.
Some contract assignments they realize that the job they hired you to do is complete, that the work they've had you doing can be done by someone else, and they actually end the assignment and move you on to something else, something different.
Here I am just a face that's passed in the hall with a fake smile and the realization that I am actually still here- moving from office to office without my red stapler, nothing but a laptop and an iPod.
It's Monday and I'm back on the job after a long holiday weekend.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
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