Showing posts from June, 2008

Cranky Readers

To the cranky public out there:

Tired of bitching and complaining to your friends and family? Are your friends and family tired of listening to your complaints. Need a public forum to vent, but too lazy to create a blog of your own? Then send it to the cranky monkey, and I’ll post it for you! that’s right, create an e-mail, with your issue, and send it to....(e-mail removed due to to much spam)

You must have a subject line that will be the title of the post. Also please create some type of signature so that readers can distinguish your nonsense from my brilliant rants. All guest post will have a label of Cranky Contributions.


P.S. I reserve the right to decline or edit contributions as required

The Supreme Count Rules on the Child Rapist

The Supreme Court yesterday rejected an appeal that would have allowed child rapist to be put to death. I was a little surprised to find out that this was even a case that they were hearing. I thought it had already been established that a person could only be put to death in murder cases. The court found that, "The death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child." Well yeah! But by that rational, wouldn’t a proportional punishment be that we take a broom stick and shove it up the rapist ass?

If you were wondering how the vote weighed out, it was 5 to 4, the liberal side with the 5 and the conservatives with the 4. It’s nice to see that a judges political leanings has no effect on the judiciary system.

Read more on Yahoo

Microsoft Goes Grey to Blue

I walked into work this week and noticed something had changed; the company went through and replaced all the standard grey recycling containers with blue ones. I’m guessing this change had to do with the employees not knowing which container was for what. Previously, the only way to tell was to read the side of the container, and at Microsoft, they have more important things do to besides read.

What I find funny about this, is by replacing all the recycling containers, they are creating thousands of containers that need to be disposed of. Assuming they recycle them, they are still having a negative impact on the environment, based on the energy used in creating the new ones, and recycling the old ones. And if they are tossing them into the landfill, well, I don’t need to comment on that one.
Good job Microsoft, way to take care of the planet. But hey, at least we can now trust the employees will start using the correct container for disposal.

Freaks and Weirdoes = 2, Religious Nuts = 48

As we all know by now, California started allowing gay marriage this week. And to all of you religious nuts out there, look what happened... nothing. That's right, God didn't swipe his hand down and chop the state off into the ocean. Although, I'm sure that will be your justification next time they have an earthquake. Our children didn't strip all their clothes off, and start running around in the streets participating in huge orgies. And most importantly of all, the world didn't end.

What happened instead, is people who love each other were able to get married, and can now have extramarital affairs, and get divorced like the rest of us. They can also have what they’ve been wanting, equal treatment. And what does California get out of all this, millions and millions to boost it's economy. Sounds like good business to me.

So all you religious nuts, just back off, and find something else to use as an excuse to hate. Because after all, it's the people who think…

Tax Plan Comparison

I found this article on MSN that I thought was pretty interesting. The independent group Tax Policy Center, did an analysis on the current versions of Obama's and McCain's tax policies.

Anyone who has traveled outside of the country recently, might have noticed the U.S. dollar is worthless these days. One reason for that, is George Bush's policies of funding via increasing the national debt. Well both Obama and McCain appear to continue that trend but, "McCain's tax proposals could increase the national debt by as much as $4.5 trillion with interest, while Obama's could add as much as $3.3 trillion.Tax studies have shown that when tax cuts are deficit funded and they're paid for by raising taxes in the future, the economy is worse off than if you didn't cut at all," according to the Tax Policy Center. Let's break it down some more...

compared with their tax bill today, taxpayers on average would see their tax bill cut by nearly $1,200. Tha…

You Don't Believe in Flushing?

I walked into the men's room, and some guy was using the second from the left urinal. Following the men's room etiquette, I go to the far right one, so as to leave a space between us. As I'm starting up, he is finishing up. He zips and goes to begin washing his hands.

CM: (loudly) You don't believe in flushing?
Guy - embarrassed look. Walks back to flush the toilet.
CM: You know someone has to use that after you.
Guy: I was just getting ready to do that.
CM: Yeah, sure you were.
Guy - Quickly leaves.

The moral of the story - When you have an angry monkey in the men's room with you, flush it down.

Fish Monkey Fish

"Long-tailed macaque monkeys have a reputation for knowing how to find food — whether it be grabbing fruit from jungle trees or snatching a banana from a startled tourist." According to an article on, some monkeys in Thailand are learning to fish. It's not new for monkeys to fish, in fact scientist have witnessed other monkeys doing this. But this is new behavior for these specific monkeys. They aren't sure what prompted these particular monkeys to take up fishing. It "could be prompted by food shortages, droughts resulting in lower water levels that make it easier to catch fish, or habitat destruction that eliminates a key food source."

As we've witnessed by this blog, monkeys can inspire debate amongst conservatives and liberals. Monkeys can type and create coherent sentences, excluding the bad grammar. And now, we are witnessing the monkeys ability to evolve with the changing world around them.

What does all this prove? That monkeys are smarte…

Zippy piggy

Last week I was driving home from work. I was cruising along, when I notice a cop speeding along past me in the carpool lane. The cop doesn’t have his lights on, and he driving just fast enough so that he’s speeding, but obviously not in a hurry to get to a emergency. As he driving along, already not obeying the speed limit, or the carpool limit, he comes up to a car that is obeying the laws. He gets tired of waiting for the car to move out of his way, and cuts over to the lane in front of me. But there is a white truck in that lane, so he moves to the lane to the right of that. "Maybe he’s getting off at the next exit I think," but no, as that lane slows down, he moves back over into my lane.

It’s at this point I grab my little camera. By this time the carpool lane as moved along, so that a couple of cars have gone past, and are now ahead of the cop, proving that if he would have just stayed in that lane, he’d be much further along.

As you can imagine, the cars that moved al…


I was glad to hear this week that Barack Obama finally clinched enough delegates to win the Democratic nomination for president. It wasn't just because I personally prefer Barack. It was because I'm sick and tired of hearing about it. Hillary this, Obama that… blah, blah, blah. Every time I turn on the news, constantly on the radio, and every time I log into a non-porn related website, it's always about them. But not now, now we get to hear constantly…. About... them again. Now it's all about Clinton as vice president, or bringing the party together, or other nonsense.

Come on news people! Can't we move on and actually talk about the election? Think about this election, we actually have two candidates that I wouldn't mind being president. For the first time in my lifetime, we are actually voting for the best of two candidates, and not the least worst. We actually have two people who actually differ enough in policy ideas to give us an actual choice. Yet they are…

Blog Therapy

I found this article on the Washington Post, which is about how bloggers are using blogs as therapy tools. Of course that got me thinking about this blog, and yeah it's totally like therapy! I get to rant and rave and piss people off, just like I do when I'm talking to people face to face!

Actually, at first I started reading the article thinking, cool. But then, as it went on, I thought about what kind of a society we are turning into. We are turning into a society that videos kids beating the crap out of one another. We are turning into a society that watches more reality shows full of dumbasses looking for a few minutes of fame. And we are turning into a society, that feels the need to tell every intimate detail of our lives everyone on the planet.

You want to know something, I don't care about your gastric bypass, and how you used it instead of getting your fat ass to the gym.

I promise you my cranky readers, that I will never talk about childhood trauma, personal family …