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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Police Academy Dropouts #11

A couple of weeks ago, I reported about a friend of mine (article), who’s been experiencing the joys of a stalker. Well, the situation appears to be escalating. They broke into her house recently, while she was there at night. The person didn’t do anything besides apparently cut themselves on a window or something. She called the police about it… again. This time the Bothell PD finally decided to do something, ie get the word out to other districts. Apparently, this wasn’t done previously because shortly after, the Mill Creek police department (who so far appear to actually be on the ball) contacted the Bothell PD back, saying they have some jewelry and other items they think might be hers. She then spoke to Mill Creek PD, went down to identify some items, and look at some pictures of potential suspects in a thief ring.

To summarize, in one day the Mill Creek PD and Officer Sprenson, have done more than Officer Chizus (not sure about the spelling), has done in over two months.

Note, I haven’t verified the accuracy of the names of the two police officers mentioned

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A Tale of Black History

This is the last week of black history month. A month dedicated to remembering the struggles and hardships of people who died a long time ago. A month dedicated to the acknowledgement that without people like Martin Luther King Jr., Fredrick Douglass, and Rosa Parks; the young black American of today wouldn’t be able to walk the streets with baggy jeans hanging down their ass, and speaking in a slang that could almost be considered its own language.

I can picture it now, U.S. Supreme Court 1856:
Dred Scott – Yo, judge, this slavery sheiiiite isn’t fly man. I want’s to hang with my homies.
Chief Justice Roger Taney – Mr. Scott, you think you can fly?
Dred Scott – No baby, likes my bro W.W. says it, “freeeeadom”. You know what I’m sayin.
Chief Justice Roger Taney – No I’m afraid I do no know what you are saying. Is it you would like to be emancipated?
Dred Scott – fachizel. I ain’t liken this working in the fields all day, ya cracker. I wants to sleep in and go gets me some Taco Bell, nigga. that shit is fachezy.
Chief Justice Roger Taney – Oh?
Dred Scott – Yeah man, it’s off the hook
Chief Justice Roger Taney –Mr Scott any person descended from black Africans, whether slave or free, is not a citizen of the United States, according to the U.S. Constitution and therefore you can not be emancipated.
Dred Scott – Beatch! I’ll put at cap in yo ass!!!!

Please note: the court transcripts provided above, are not necessarily a accurate reflection of the court hearings. Also note, Dred Scott eventually did receive his freedom, 9 months prior to his death.

The Dred Scott Decision also helped to further divide the North and South and quicken the arrival of the Civil War, resulting in the emancipation of all black Americans.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Chinese Fur Farms

I was reading an article about how some real fur was being slipped in with fake fur on MSN. That article lead me to a video about Chinese fur farms. Normally, I wouldn’t look at anything PETA did, because they are a little to extreme on the leftist side for me. But this video is something that should be watched, and if you have a soul, it had better piss you off as much as it did me. Make sure you have the sound turned on while watching.

Even though here in the U.S. fur isn’t that large of a commodity, we do buy some items lined with fur, or fur accessories. Just so you know, more than half the worlds fur comes from China. and yes, plenty of Chinese fur makes it to the U.S.

Personally, being a person who wears leather and eats meat. I can support that use of animals in those manners. But to skin them alive?

Friday, February 23, 2007

Walk the Talk

Last week I wrote “Nothing says I love the environment like a concert”, on Microsoft partnering with Al Gore and team on the Live Earth Concert. MSN will be streaming the concert via the video.msn site.

Microsoft has no problem attaching their name to this project, and totally eating up any positive press on the big issue of our era. Yet based on my experience working for the company, they don’t actually follow along with any of it. For example, the job I do, there is absolutely no need for me to come into the office everyday. I deal with Power Points, Excell sheets, e-mail, and conference calls. Most of which could be done from home. Saving the environment when it comes to the hour each way I spend in traffic. The parking lot is so full of cars, that people have to park illegally, and the offices are so full they turned the break rooms into work areas. I can only imagine what the utility bills are on these buildings. They do some recycling; we have paper of course, cans, and even Styrofoam. We also have little half pint milk cartons all over the break room that could be thrown into a cardboard bin, but go in the trash instead.

In comparisons; I recently read an article about how Google is in the process of adding solar cells to their campus. Obviously, in the Pacific Northwest that’s not a viable option for Microsoft, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Google has quite a few other pro-environment initiatives.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Distorted World of Search Engines

I’ve had this blog for quite some time now, I have a few places that link to it, either via other blogs (thanks yo), or sites and blogs I’ve commented on or added the link myself. I’ve also done the typical search engine submissions, focusing on the top 4. All things being equal you’d expect a search for The Cranky Monkey to come back in “relatively” the same ranking. But in the search engine world, things are not equal.

Starting with the big dog, Google returns The Cranky Monkey in the top spot. Actually second to top spot, but that’s good enough for me. I’m ok with being number two on the top search engine. On yahoo, you will get The Cranky-Mama before The Monkey. In fact, The Cranky Monkey isn’t even in the top 100. The big joke of the group is MSN’s Live search. On Live search my photography website shows up before The Cranky Monkey does. Yes, many months ago I had a link to The Cranky Monkey from YoBella.com but not anymore. And still, in the order of things, you’d think, the one would come before the other.

I’ll have to give props to EX2 Adventures. They apparently spend a few bucks with the search engines. With the top 3 engines, they come back with top honors in The Cranky Monkey search.

And finally, how do I rate on the 4th largest search engine ask.com? Well my friends, here it is, EX2 Adventures is not the top result….The Cranky Monkey is!!! That’s right, I’m number 1!!!!!!! For now anyway, I’m sure once EX2 Adventures figures it out, they will up their marketing dollars to push The Monkey down.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Police Academy Dropouts #10

Here’s something interesting about the best of the best, the top of the line, the cream of the crop, the FBI. According to a recent news article, “between three and four FBI laptop computers are lost or stolen each month.” That’s right, the group we expect to police the country, can’t even police themselves. Even better, “The new report found that 160 weapons” were lost or stolen over a 44 month period. Well at least now I know where I can go next time I’m in the market for a new 9mm, the local FBI office. Even better, I’ll get it at a steel.

Read the Full Article

Monday, February 19, 2007

"Hope to have a buisness with you"

As some of you know, I do a little wedding photography on the side. Occasionally in an attempt to do some free promoting, I’ll do a posting on craigslist. I have in the past received a little business from this, and since it only takes a few minutes to create the posting, it’s worth it. This last Saturday I wrote up a typical posting, offering my services, linking to my site, etc. I received an e-mail which I have cut and pasted exactly as sent below. If you read through it you will notice, the extreme lack of understanding of the English language. This seems odd, since in the first sentence this person makes the statement of being from the “Us” I’m assuming they mean U.S.

On a side not, if I’m the one correcting your spelling and grammar, you have a serious problem, as anyone who reads this blog regularly can attest to.

Next, you will notice they are offering to fly me to New York, cover my hotel, and of course my regular cost. Obviously this is some kind of scam. No one is going to fork over that kind of money on a photographer they have never met, or heard of, and found on craigslist of all places. What exactly the scam is, I’m not sure. Maybe in order to book the tickets, this person is thinking I will send them my social security number? I thought about stringing the guy out to see what happens but decided no response was the best choice.

Subject: Can You Shoot My Wedding ?

My name is Bright .I am from the Us and i would be
celebrating my Traditional wedding ceremony with my
wife who is from uk soon ,So I am emailing you now
asap my wedding which will be held on the 25th of
march 2007, I want to know. if you would be available
for that day,the cost you will charge me if you would
render service for 6hours from 9am - 3pm for the the
So i ill be responsibel for your flight ticket and
your accomodation for the day,So i will want you to
give me a total cost for the service. Am in hurry for
a wedding photographer, due that i receive a call that
the photographer that wanted to shoot my wedding died
yesterday,I really need you to understand this as it
is in hurry
Hope to have a buisness with you
This is the address where the wedding ill take place
and the shooting of the wedding

1314 Hydesville Rd.
Newark, NY 14513

This is the Hotel I ill Booked For You, It is only 15
minutes to the Reception

Hotel Address :
Quality Inn
Rt. 88 North,

Friday, February 16, 2007

Nothing says I love the environment like a concert

That’s right folks, our environmental champion is back at it again, and this time he’s teaming up with my friends here at Microsoft. On 07/07/07 Al Gore and friends are going to have a 24hr worldwide concert in support of global warming awareness. MSN will be streaming the concert series through http://liveearth.msn.com/

Even though this is a cheesy assed project, I still want to recommend everyone check it out. That’s assuming the Live Earth site doesn’t crash because more then 20 people will be watching.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

On This Day

I’m sure you were all looking forward to this weeks cop smack talking, but today is a holiday, and in honor of the holiday I decided to play a little game called, “on this day”

Knowing many of my readers, I know with the exception of the Republicans you are all pretty intelligent people. You most likely already know the story behind penicillin. How Alexander Fleming accidentally dropped some mold on to a tray of bacteria, discovering this wonderful antibiotic. Well my friends, on this day in 1929, Alexander Fleming presented that discovery to the world. So remember, depending on how you spend your Valentine this year and who you spend it with, you can thank Alexander and his penicillin for curing that syphilis you pick up.

On an interesting side note; we all know of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, where Al Capone’s gunmen murdered seven members of rival George Moran’s gang… Also on this day in 1929.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

A Nice Ride in the Elevator

I had something else I wanted to talk about today but was distracted by someone being nice this morning. A week or so ago, I did a posting titled Going Up. It was about how people at Microsoft generally don’t hold the elevator. Well apparently, someone reads my blog. A guy got on the elevator before me this morning, and the door was closing as I walked through the entrance and he actually held it for me. There was an even larger timelapse than what I described before. This guy I wouldn’t have bitched about letting the door close, it was that long before I made it to the elevator. Yet, he held it. I said, “Thanks man” when I got on. He didn’t respond.

I couldn’t see his badge it’s possible he was a contractor and not a full timer. But it just goes to show you, you take a couple thousand people, odds are that at least one of them is a decent person.

Friday, February 09, 2007

The Loss of a Tramp

Unless you live under a rock, I’m sure you have heard about the death of Anna Nicole Smith. MSN had an article today titled, “What Drew Us to Anna Nicole?” and refers to her as an “icon”. The front page of CNN had multiple links to articles, one even titled, “Anna Nicole Charmed Us”. While driving today and last night, it was all over the radio.

A week ago she was a joke, someone we laughed at, not with. Now that she is dead, suddenly she’s an “icon” being compared to Marilyn Monroe.

WTF is wrong with this country!!! Look people, just because someone dies, does not make them a great person. Nor does it make them great at anything. And by no means should some former model, third rate actress, and total nut bag, deserve this much attention. Fine, she’s a celebrity. I can see the need to report on it for all those celebrity hungry news vultures out there. But come on, isn’t this a little overboard? Does this woman really deserve this much attention? Fuck no!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Comment you Cunts!

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve spoken to quite a few people who have told me they read this blog. Some people even mentioned they occasionally agree with the rantings of a mad mad monkey. I appreciate the verbal validation, and I’ve always known I was totally spot on with everything I say, blog or not. But what really gets this monkeys shit flying is that no one leaves a mother fucking comment, except for occasionally The Rooster (word up).

So look you ass munching, cock sucking, cunt licking, dirty whores…. Leave a fucking comment. It’s not that hard and it keeps me from crying myself to sleep every night.

If you can’t think of anything to say, here are some pointers:
- “Wow Cranky Monkey, you are soooo right about that”
- “Yes, I hate George Bush and those nutty conservatives too”
- “Thanks to you, I’m going to start recycling and do my best to prevent global warming.”
- “Yes, cops are worthless shit licks!”
- “You’re right, corporate mentality and office politics are what’s wrong with this country.”
- “I love your blog, you’re a creative writing genius.”
- And finally… “Hey! That was me you are talking about, jerk!”

I guess you can disagree with me if you want, but I’m not sure why you would do that.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Police Academy Dropouts #9

Here is a little story I’ve been meaning to tell for a while now, but it’s long and I’ve needed to work up the motivation to type it out. Plus it’s still ongoing.

I know a girl who lives in a nice house in Bothell. About two months ago, one night when she wasn’t home her house was broken into. The people or person, stole a few things, vandalized the place, and masturbated on her bed. She of course called the cops and for some odd reason they actually took finger prints and semen samples. Apparently the thief didn’t have prints on record. So they couldn’t find the person. The next night she was worried, so I took my dog and stayed over. That next morning, there was spray paint all over the back window, “Bitch”. In my defense, the room I slept in had a loud electric fan heater, and her dog barks at the wind. This in turn, caused my dog to bark, making it totally pointless to have the dogs.

The next weekend she went out of town taking her dog with. I decided to spend the night again, this time more prepared. I had a police club, just my dog (actually barks at the right time), and slept with the heater off and shoes on. I parked my car in her garage and turned out the lights, making it look like no one was home. Unfortunately nothing happened that night.

A few weeks after that, someone left something on the porch. After that, more paint in the backyard and tree vandalizing. Last weekend, she wasn’t home and the person left a note on the front door, “sorry I missed you”.

Each time she has gone back to the Bothell police, who take the information, fill out a report and do nothing beyond that. The girl has installed an alarm system, is installing flood lights, and even wants to get a gun. All because the police won’t do their jobs.

Obviously it’s someone in the area; this person knows when she is home or not and the layout of the neighborhood. They have no problem getting into the backyard undetected. She even has an idea which neighbor it might be. She’s told this to the police, they have the persons prints, so how hard would it be to do a quick comparison? One, we don’t want to impair anyone’s civil liberties. And two, the cops would actually have do something. A neighbor has even seen someone out video taping the place, but the cops haven’t bothered to get a description.

“Come on, the police department can’t be that worthless”. You might be thinking. “They must have done something.” No, they haven’t. They’ve taken the reports. When she mentioned the potential neighbor kid, they told her to go talk to his parents. When she mentioned the nosy neighbor, they told her to go have the lady get a description. When she asked then, “what are they going to do about this?” They said, “Don’t worry this person will eventually do something to get caught.”

Here’s my question to the Bothell police department. When will that be? After this person has escalated the situation, broken into her house raped and killed her? With the current state of our police force, my bet is even then, the cops won’t catch the person. They’ll take the report then head back to Starbucks to finish their coffee. Stop by the Canyon Park Starbucks sometime. I’m sure you will see them.

My only hope, is if she does get a gun, that she learns how to use it, and shoots the fuck through the heart. Unfortunately, that also means our wonderful police force will probably prosecute her for actually protecting herself.

Remember, whenever it’s up for a vote and they want more money… Vote NO!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Boston’s Bomb Bungling

I should post this for my P.A.D story tomorrow. But thanks to our judicial system, their is plenty to go around.

By now, I’m sure we have all heard or read the news last week about how Boston authorities totally overreacted, due to the advertising stunt of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”. About how it practically shut down the city and now, how Turner Network has to pay two millions dollar for it. I’m sure, we also know about how the two guys responsible are being taken to court over it.

How many heard, there was a real bomb scare that day? That same day, Two fake pipe bombs were found. Yes they were fake, but at least they looked real, unlike a couple flashy lights with pictures on them. They had to evacuate a hospital and even have an idea who the person is, but haven’t bothered to charge the person yet.

So, we will make a big deal and spend millions on am advertising joke, but pipe bombs gets filed away in the back page. As far as I can tell the news corporations haven’t followed up on the story at all. At least I can’t fine anything.

This is our country?!?!?

Monday, February 05, 2007

I Hate MySpace

The super bowl was yesterday and I should probably complain about how the Bears were an embarrassment to Chicago, especially after beating the Seahawks. The Seahawks are probably better at playing in the rain then Chicago or Indianapolis. I have bigger fish to bitch about today, MySpace.

About a year ago, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and set up a MySpace account. I did the usual, added some friends, customized it a little, and filled out cheesy answers to the generic questions. Within a week, an ex-girlfriend found me on it. At first I thought it was some girl just starting a conversation but after looking at her picture and the conversation I realized who it was. During the years since I last saw her, she has gained some weight and added more tattoos to her body, and basically looks like a big dike. Since that time, I’ve had a buddy from high school, friends and friends of friends, and even one girl who I only met once at a restaurant 10 years ago, who now lives halfway across the country. With the exception of one friend who now lives in New Zealand, and that’s really more of an excuse to go visit someday.

So people!! What I’m saying here is, if you are someone I used to know, in any way shape or form, don’t find me on MySpace. I don’t care what you have been up to since, I don’t care where you are living, and I don’t care about any catching up you would like to do. Actually, I have two exceptions to that rule. If you are a totally hot chick I used to know and are still totally hot, you can e-mail me. Or if you are someone who has since come into a large some of money and you want to share it with me. Those are the only two allowed, otherwise fuck off and get a life that doesn’t involve catching up on old times.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Bring Your Dog to Work

Here is an interesting article, that I think any business I work for or might work for in the future should read. Of course, if I could bring my dog to work, I might run out of things to complain about for this blog and waste my days away playing fetch, instead of doing blog postings.
Some highlights:

- 66% of dog-owners said they’d work longer hours with their dog
- 49% said they would switch jobs if they could take their dog to work. Personally, mine is more like 100% motivation to switch if I could take my dog to work. But, I am a contracted employee. It’s not like I feel an overwhelming sense of loyalty as it is.
- 32% of dog-owners said they’d take a pay cut to work with their dogs

Full Article

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Living the Single Life

Here in America we bill ourselves as a progressive country, but in reality we tend to be very stuck in old beliefs. One of those is the idea that you have to be married to be a complete person. Well it looks like people are starting to catch on that, when the majority of marriages end in divorce maybe it’s not such a good idea. Here is an article on MSN about how living single can actually be a good thing.

Here are a couple of the highlights:

Reason #1: You have a better body.
So true…. How many people do you know who got married then turned into fat slobs. I can think of quite a few women who used to be hotties and now, couldn’t get me drunk enough to touch. Or quite a few guys who used to live active lives and now sit at home watching tv with a beer sitting on their belly.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money—including keep it
Do I even need to comment on this one?

Reason #5: You have better sex.
Do you need more reason then this to stay single? You may have it more often when married but it’s mostly due to routine. If you want to enjoy it, stay single. Oh, and based on personal experience being married and single. I enjoy it much more now that I’m single. Then again, my ex-wife was a hottie when we met, but when we divorced, you could fit three average sized people on a pair of her pants. (See reason #1)
On a side note, I recently found out her and her fat friends occasionally read this blog… enjoy honey

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable.
This last New Year, I went with a girlfriend to Whistler BC. Not only did we have a great time, great sex, play in the snow, and stay up most of the night New Years at an awesome bar. We text messaged a married couple we know; who could have went with us but instead chose to stay home for the holiday. They did nothing that night.
Same side note, they also read this blog… Stop being lame asses and come with us next time!

click here for full article