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Showing posts from March, 2007

Jesus Mows My Lawn

As I was standing outside my office this morning, I observed 5 Spanish speaking men walk past, discussing today’s duties for lawn maintenance. This got me thinking about how we stereotype people, and how accurate many of those stereo types are. Before you start spouting off with, “I can’t believe he said that,” and “what a racist” about my statement. Let’s look at the facts. Yes – not all Microsoft Employees are self centered pricks, but most are. And yes – not all Mexicans work the low end labor jobs, but most of those jobs are filled by Mexicans. Just look who’s doing the construction on that housing development next door. Or look at most of the people in the IT industry from India.

People, just because someone makes a statement about Asian drivers, it does not mean they hate Asians. Personally, I’m totally into Asian ladies. Does that make me a racist? No, it makes me a pervert, two totally different things. And if you have a problem with migrant workers and people cracking jokes ab…

New York = 1 Walmart = 0

It’s not often that I actually side with unions, especially a lame ass union like The Retail Wholesale and Department Store Union. But recently, the unions were able to thwart an attempt by Walmart to enter the New York market. The union president Stuart Applebaum proclaimed, "New Yorkers will not tolerate their way of operating. Their promises of low prices come at too high of a cost." Bullshit Stuart! The real reason, I’m sure being Walmart’s insistence on using non-union workers to be the real reason behind the stand, not over moral objections to Walmart’s price practices. But in this case, the end justifies the motive.

Personally I’ve never shopped at a Walmart. Preferring just about any alternative even if the alternative is another large chain. Either way Walmart “sales growth has slowed in recent years, is looking to urban markets as the next frontier to fuel domestic growth. Those efforts have been met with resistance from labor and neighborhood groups.” It makes me…

Police Academy Dropouts #14

I found this article and just thought it was great, Bike cop's bike stolen. Even better than knowing, it was stolen, is knowing it was stolen right out in front on the station, because the officer didn’t lock it. Any kid who has ever had a bike stolen, and had to deal with the indifference by the police department when reporting it, can now rejoice as karma has provided a little payback.

“The Things I Have Seen” or “Just Look Away”

Off with the seriousness of last week’s postings, and on to the original reason this blog was created – the men’s room. I decided take 30 days and actually pay attention to some of the odd things that happen here. Although, the weirdness is not at the same level as it was at Cingular, occasionally I’ll see some things that make me wonder, WTF.

Witnessed = Number of times in 30 days
Excessively wetting and combing hair = 4 (reasons why the counter is also a pool of water)washing face = 10 (not sure why this is odd to me, I guess it’s because I wash mine on the morning when I shower)Spitting loogie into urinal while peeing = 3Rinsing out mouth with water from sink = 6 Guy wearing pink pants, tucked in green flannel, with loafers and no socks = 1 (it was just an odd wardrobe)Brushing teeth = 4 Blowing snotty nose into the sink = 4 (ever heard of toilet paper?)Humming to himself while peeing or pooping = 2 (I’ve posted before about people who hum)

What is it good for?

For my final post this week in honor of the anniversary of the Iraq war, and my new found Republicanism, I’d like to look at the men out there, and why they love to war.
First the soldier - It’s just good fun! As a guy, we love to do things like drive tanks, create explosions, and shoot guns. Over in Iraq the soldiers get to do all that good stuff. Plus, they get the bonus adrenaline rush of having people shooting back. Just like the movies.
The guy who stays home (aka Jody) – Jody is the guy who supports the war in spirit. Jody is the guy who stays home to keep the country running. Jody is the guy who keeps the soldiers girl warm at night. You know, he’s having a good time.
Finally, to end this week of BS postings -Here is one of my favorite cadences from when I was in Basic Training. Feel free to print it out and sing along the next time one of you stay at home, never actually served, republican fucks, feels like spouting off about how great America is in what we are doing over in I…

I Do Want to Talk About it

In my continued series on why war is good this week, I’d like to point out something that doesn’t really get addressed. By being at war, it provides good fodder for discussion. Last weekend I was at a party and while standing around drinking, at one point, the discussion had to do with the war in Iraq. Although one girl did refer to Iraq as the country who attacked us on 9/11, overall it was a relatively interesting to see what people’s views were and reasons behind them. Look at any news organization and they have some story on the war, followed with some commentary. And finally without the war, I would have come up with something else to post for my articles this week.
Thanks George for keeping America talking. Your friend, the I love to hump conservatives in the ass monkey.

War = Good Business

What? How can war be good for business, we’ve spent over four hundred billion dollars on this war so far? We hear a lot about the cost of this war and statements about that being bad, but is it really?


First let’s look the soldier on the ground: We’ve always paid that soldier, we’ve been paying them to live in various bases and train for war. So that money doesn’t change. We are just now paying them to actually fight. We are however paying them extra pay, since they are in a hazardous situation. But what happens to this money? Most send it home to their spouses, who in turn spend it on living in the U.S. hence supporting business here.


Contractors: These people are being employed to do rebuilding, and other activates over in Iraq. These people make big bucks, not to mention various scamming off the top that goes back to the company. Plus once again, they send the money home to spouses. Plus since these people are overseas working, we have to fill their jobs here with someone, creating …

Advantage US

Image
One of the great things about war is population control. If you look at this graph, you will notice that the U.S. death rate has stayed pretty level. But the Iraqi death rate has continued to increase. In reading, this is due primarily to the U.S. as well as insurgents killing Iraqi’s, and Iraqi’s killing Iraqi’s. although the birth rate (31.98 births/1,000 population) currently still exceeds the death rate, at an “estimated civilian deaths between 59,287 and 65,121, as of yesterday.” With a population just under 27,000,000 we probably won’t completely wipe out them out, but we can help reduce it. Hench, decreasing the number of Muslims while keeping a majority number of Christians and other white religions.


Sources:
http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
https://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/print/iz.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032542/site/newsweek/?rf=autorefresh
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17684300/

Take Your Sign and Shove It!

“Across the nation, thousands of anti-war activists marched in Portland, San Francisco and other cities to denounce a conflict that has claimed the lives of 3,200 American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis.” (Seattle PI) Being outspoken against the war in Iraq, I’ve received a few comments about these protesters. The implication being that I should be one of them.
Why should I be one of them? These people are not going to accomplish anything! Look at the cities listed, Portland, San Francisco, and Seattle. We have a bunch of ani-war liberals walking the streets, preaching to other ani-war liberals. These people aren’t protesters, they are pseudo-yuppies who skipped out of work, so they could drive their Toyota Prius downtown and interrupt traffic for a day waving signs. Tomorrow they will be back at their Microsoft and Boeing jobs feeling all smug about themselves because they, “made a difference”. And the “Support Our Troops, Support Our Mission” people on the other side o…

I Don’t Hate America you Cocksucker!

This morning on the way in to work I was listening to the radio, and having a conversation with a friend about liberals who hate American. For the purpose of this article, we’ll call this friend, “The Cock”.


Here is a little news for you - liberals don’t hate American, in fact we love American. It’s here is America where we can call our president a fucktard, and not be thrown in jail for it. It’s here in America where we can spend our nights surfing for internet porn, and masturbating in a sock. The reason why we get so worked up about stuff you conservatives do, is we want to keep America the way we like it. We don’t want our Republican appointed judges to take away these freedoms that come with being an American.


Yes, most every liberal out there doesn’t agree with the war in Iraq. But you want to know something, I’m sure a few of the soldiers over their don’t agree with it either. Does that mean they are going to pull a Watada and not go? Hell no, they are going to buck up and kick s…

The Latest Thing

I read recently how prescription drug abuse is increasing across the country. Is this because the DEA is doing a better job of cracking down on illegal narcotics? I doubt it. My guess is, this is the latest fad with drugs. We had LSD in the 70’s, coke in the 80’s, ecstasy in the 90’s and now prescription drugs. WTF?

To the point - This pisses me off! And I’ll tell you why in today’s, “Why is the Monkey so Cranky.”

Since more people are turning to prescription narcotics, dealers are more focused on providing these items rather than stuff like, acid and E. Fine if I want to drop a Vicodin and chill at home. Big freaken deal! Does Vicodin really do all that much for you. It sure as he doesn’t for me. So let’s say sometime, I’m chillin with some friends, and we want to go out eat some shrooms and stare at the neat faces on my living room wall. Now I have to search that much harder to find them!!! It’s not like we have a dealer on every corner… ok, maybe we do. But it’s not like I know which…

Police Academy Dropouts #13

If you are ever in Bothell/Canyon Park and getting on from Bothell – Everett to 405, watch yourself or you might be ticketed. Once again, our state patrol has nothing better to do with their time, than set up a trap to catch drivers who cross the white line when entering. The excuse used is the “maneuver annoyed other drivers and, more importantly, threatened to cause crashes.” Not that it actually causes crashes, but that it might. And yes, it is annoying when people do that, but come on. Don’t we have real criminals to catch?


I’ve taken this entrance ramp, multiple times and here’s the deal. The entrance is suuuuuuper long. You drive, and drive, and drive, before finally getting to the point where you can legally merge. What happens - people merging get backed up having to wait, all the while they could just cut over, move to the left and get out of the way. Which is why they do it. “But no!!!” says the highway patrol, “we want that $388.00 a pop. We don’t care if it slows down the r…

 Up Yours Daylight Savings Time!!

This last weekend, we experienced our yearly springtime ritual of setting the clocks forward for daylight savings time (DST). In essence, we have to wake up an hour earlier for a few days until our bodies adjust. The thing about Daylight savings time is, it’s another example of our antiquated mentalities and inability to change.
Let’s look at the history of daylight savings and I’ll explain why it’s no longer needed, as I’ve found most people are under many misgivings as to the purpose of this little springtime torture ritual we experience. First the origins – Most people believe and are taught via public education that it started so farmers back in the day, could have more natural light for farming. This in fact is not true. Knowledge I gained after grade school, and after many hours vedging in front of the History Channel. It was actually first proposed by Benjamin Franklin as a way to save on candles and oil lamps, but never caught on. DST actually first began during World War 1 as…

Straight People In Need of Queerness

I was cleaning up my e-mail sent box last night, and I found this e-mail that I had sent to a radio station years ago.

On my way into work once, the station had a guy from some Jewish organization that will, “help people who are gay but no longer want to be gay”. The organization will teach them to be straight. After listening to the show I decided to send them an e-mail.


Hi, I was listening to the show this morning; you had the guy on talking about his group that will help people not be gay. I think it’s interesting in today’s society that people would still want not to be gay. I work with a rather large phone company at this time, and have found homosexuality to be beneficial to the gay community. When it comes time for promotion, many of the upper managers are gay and obviously promote within. Plus society and lawyers have sufficiently scared the remaining straight managers, to the point that they will promote the gay employee over the straight one due to fear of retribution.

Kill Them All!! No Biggie…

I read an interesting article on MSN recently, about how death in large numbers looses our interested but individuals actually results in an emotional reaction. Basically, we don’t care when we large numbers of people die, but if one or two does, then we react.


One of the examples, they showed photographs to a group, “In the first photograph eight children needed $300,000 to receive medical attention in order to save their lives. In the next photograph, one child needed $300,000 for medical bills. Most subjects were willing to donate to the one and not the group of children.” So even though the amount of donation stated the same, and the first one actually helped more, people were more willing just to help one.


It just goes to show you, “the needs of the many do not outweigh the needs of the few.”



Read Full Article here

Police Academy Dropouts #12

Here is some interesting news that I was not aware of, and I bet most of you weren’t aware either. I regularly post about police officers who should have dropped out of the police academy. Apparently many haven’t even attended the academy in the first place. “At least 30 states let some newly hired local law enforcement officers hit the streets with a gun, a badge and little or no training.” That’s right, 30 states, including my home state of Washington. In many areas, you can be hired on to the police force and work as a cop for up to a year, before being required to go through official police training.


Let’s put this in prospective - When I was first hired on at AT&T Wireless as a customer service representative, I had to go through 4 weeks of training before I could answer the phone and take customer calls. But I can apparently have a gun and put “three rounds in the chest and one in the head” of an unarmed drunken student, with no training at all.


Read the Full story

Earning my Pay

I’ve decided to bitch about my job a little today… Yes, I know big surprise.

I started this contract 10 months ago. One of the reasons I was hired is my background in policy documentation and content management. As in, what’s the best way to present information and communicate it to the people responsible for dealing directly to customers. One of the problems I have found, is that many of the people I work with, have absolutely no customer service background. So you would think, they would acknowledge this, and take my advice into consideration when making decisions, but they don’t. In fact, they usually seem to do the opposite. This of course results in customer service representatives not knowing how to do their jobs and customers not receiving accurate information.

I’ve explained over and over again what they should be doing and how they should be doing it. I’ve written it in e-mails and even providing full business justifications. What am I going to do about it… At this point, nothi…

Just Quit Already

I have this friend who still works for Cingular/at&t. He’s been there a while, and almost every time I see him I try to talk him into leaving. He’s a decent manager, relatively smart, and works hard. He’s also probably overworked and underpaid. Most everyone I know who has left Cingular, has ended up with a better job and more pay, at a company that show appreciation to its employees.


So the other night I was making a pitch to him about going to Microsoft. I’m sure he’d make more, and they definitely treat their employees better. One of his arguments against leaving is, “Microsoft employees work long hours.” I of course responded with, “not always” and, “It depends on your department”


It’s hard for me to back that statement up; when I get to work and start reviewing e-mails to find one (from a person in another department) was sent to me at 2:00am. Yes, two hours after midnight. Another time, February 14th to be exact, I received one that was sent after 10:00pm. And finally, one of …

The People who keep Us Safe

I’m planning a trip this summer, and since I will be taking some camera gear, I decided to look at the TSA site to make sure I can carry it on, as I don’t want it damaged or stolen by the trustworthy baggage handlers. Figured I’d print the policy up to take with me, should I happen to get hassled by a security person trying to tell me I can’t carry it on.

Anyway, on the site, looking at the permitted and prohibited items, at the top of the list is box cutters. As you would expect, is says, you can’t carry them on but can check them. For those of you who don’t know, a box cutter is a small metal casing that holds a razor blade. A few years ago, while at Cingular I had to travel pretty regularly. My backpack that I carried my laptop in, I also used to carry camera gear on occasion. Once for a class, I put a pack of razor blades in one of the pockets. We use them to cut mattes. Just to be clear, I didn’t have just one blade but a whole little box of them.

I forgot about the blades and unin…